What Is PACE Parenting and How Does It Work in Practice?
PACE parenting is a therapeutic parenting approach developed by clinical psychologist Dr. Dan Hughes. It is designed to support children and young people who have experienced trauma, disrupted attachment, or ongoing emotional distress. Rather than focusing solely on behaviour, the PACE model invites adults to prioritise relationship, emotional safety, and connection.
By the end of this article, you will understand what PACE parenting is, how it works in everyday life, and why it is so effective for supporting the whole child.
What is the PACE method of parenting?
PACE stands for Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy. These four principles shape how adults communicate with children, particularly during moments of challenge, conflict, or heightened emotion.
PACE is not a behaviour management system or a strict set of rules. In daily life, it functions as an attitude or stance that guides responses to a child’s behaviour by focusing on their inner world rather than just their actions.
The PACE parenting approach is especially helpful for children who have experienced trauma, as it fosters secure attachments and reduces shame, defensiveness, and withdrawal.
How does PACE parenting work in practice?
PACE encourages caregivers to first check their own emotional state. When adults are calm and regulated, children are more likely to feel safe. A commonly used sequence is Regulate, Relate, Reason, and Repair, recognising that reasoning only works once connection is established.
- Playfulness introduces a light tone and gentle connection. For older children, this might mean jokes or "gamifying" tasks; for infants and younger children, it is about tone of voice and joyful engagement. This helps keep daily routines manageable and reduces resistance.
- Acceptance validates a child’s feelings without approving unsafe behaviour. It communicates, “Your feelings make sense.”
- Curiosity involves wondering about what sits beneath a particular behaviour, rather than assuming intent or assigning blame.
- Empathy shows the child that their emotions matter and that the adult is present and supportive during difficult moments.
Matching energy is also important. A playful response may suit one situation, while a quieter, empathetic response may be needed in another. This flexibility helps children feel understood and supported.
What is an example of using PACE?
If a young person reacts with anger after school, a PACE response might sound like:
“Something really tough must have happened today. I wonder what made things feel so overwhelming.”
This curious response invites understanding rather than escalation. Over time, using the PACE approach can build confidence, reduce conflict, and strengthen the relationship between caregivers and children.
What is the 70/30 rule in parenting?
Often used alongside PACE, the 70/30 rule suggests that around 70 percent of interactions focus on connection, with 30 percent on correction. This balance supports emotional safety and helps children feel secure enough to reflect and learn.
Learning PACE Parenting in Australia
Compass Seminars Australia offers specialised DDP and PACE training programs, supporting mental health professionals, educators, foster carers, residential care workers, and family support practitioners to understand and respond to the needs of children and young people with relational trauma and attachment difficulties.
Delivered in partnership with DDPI Worldwide (the global training and certification body for Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy), these programs integrate the neurobiology of trauma, early child development, and attachment theory. Training explores both the theoretical foundations of DDP and the practical application of PACE as a relational stance for therapeutic and caregiving work.
Through in-person workshops, participants engage in reflective discussions, experiential activities, and realistic case examples that support confident, trauma-informed responses to challenging behaviour across home, school, residential care, and community settings.
For Australian professionals seeking approaches that move beyond behaviour management to strengthen safety, trust, and connection, DDP and PACE offer an evidence-informed framework grounded in decades of clinical research and practice.