What's Wrong with Asking “What's Wrong?”

In moments of distress, our instinctive question is often, “What’s wrong?” While well-intentioned, this phrase can unintentionally trigger feelings of judgment or defensiveness. By exploring alternative approaches, we can foster empathy and connection.

What Can I Say Instead of "What's Wrong"?

Rather than asking, “What’s wrong?”, try using open-ended questions or statements like:

• “What’s happening for you right now?”
• “How are you feeling at the moment?”
• “Would you like to share what’s on your mind?”

These alternatives shift the tone from judgment to curiosity, encouraging a person to feel safe and heard. The art of listening and understanding behaviours begins with creating a space where children or adults feel they can open up without fear of being judged.

What Not to Say When Someone Is Overwhelmed?

When someone is overwhelmed, avoid phrases that dismiss their emotions or impose solutions, such as:

• “Calm down, it’s not a big deal.”
• “Why are you so upset?”
• “Just get over it.”

Instead, focus on validating their feelings: “It sounds like you’re feeling really overwhelmed. How can I help?” Your tone and choice of words can make a significant difference in building trust and connection.

What's Wrong with Saying “What's Wrong with You?”

The phrase “What’s wrong with you?” can feel accusatory, especially for someone already struggling. It places the focus on the individual as the problem rather than understanding the root causes of behaviour. Trauma-informed care emphasises shifting the narrative from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What’s happened to you?” This subtle but powerful change fosters empathy and acknowledges the impact of experiences on a person’s behaviour and emotions.

At Compass Seminars Australia, we provide evidence-based training to help professionals understand behaviours and communicate effectively in helping profession. Our workshops and resources focus on the art of listening, understanding root causes, and fostering meaningful connections. Join us to learn practical approaches that truly make a difference.