From Chaos to Connection: Why Australian Professionals Need to Know About NVR and Relational Presence

If you're working with aggressive, controlling, or self-destructive behaviours in young people, you've likely experienced the frustration of traditional behaviour management failing. Rewards don't work. Consequences escalate things. And the relationship deteriorates further with each intervention attempt.

Non-Violent Resistance (NVR) and Relational Presence offer a fundamentally different approach, one that's gaining traction across Australian schools, mental health services, and out-of-home care precisely because it works where other methods fail.

What Makes NVR Different

Developed by Israeli psychologist Haim Omer, NVR adapts principles from Gandhi and Martin Luther King's sociopolitical movements to family and care settings. Rather than trying to control the young person's behaviour through rewards or punishments, NVR focuses on adults changing their own responses, increasing their presence, reducing escalation, and rebuilding relationships.

The core premise is simple: adults cannot control a young person who refuses to be controlled. But they can stop participating in destructive cycles. They can maintain their presence without resorting to violence or submission. And they can resist harmful behaviours through de-escalation, delayed action, and mobilising support networks.

The Research Evidence

Multiple randomised controlled trials demonstrate NVR's effectiveness across diverse settings and populations. The results are compelling.

A German study comparing NVR to Teen Triple-P found both interventions improved parenting behaviour and reduced parental depression and helplessness. However, NVR was superior in reducing children's externalising behaviour problems in 11- to 18-year-olds, as measured by the Child Behaviour Checklist.

For ADHD, an Israeli randomised controlled trial with 101 families showed significant improvements not just in core ADHD symptoms, but in internalising and externalising behaviours. Critically, parental helplessness decreased and "anchoring function” increased; the capacity to support children through presence, self-regulation, structure, and support networks. Dropout rates were remarkably low at 5%, and father engagement approached 100%. At four-month follow-up, gains in externalising and internalising symptoms were maintained.

In mental health settings, a French study examining severe tyrannical behaviour in children aged 6-20 years found the protocolised 10-session NVR programme reduced parental stress significantly. The retention rate across NVR studies consistently exceeds 90%, a striking contrast to conventional parent training programmes where dropout is endemic.

Out-of-home care shows particular promise. A Belgian randomised controlled trial is currently examining NVR with looked-after children. Initial applications in residential care settings report transformation in staff-child relationships and decreased violence, including self-harm. Staff report that NVR provides practical interventions to resist harmful behaviour without attempting control. Something CBT alone couldn't achieve with young people rejecting care.

For schools, NVR offers educational psychologists and teachers a structured framework for addressing social, emotional, and mental health difficulties. It's being implemented across UK schools and is gaining recognition in Australia as an alternative to punitive discipline that typically escalates problems. The approach helps school staff maintain presence and authority through relational strength rather than positional power.

Key Principles in Practice

NVR uses specific strategies: announcement letters that clearly state what behaviours will no longer be accepted and what adults will do differently; sit-ins where adults maintain silent presence; telephone rounds and tailing to raise presence when young people withdraw into dangerous environments; and reconciliation gestures that maintain connection beyond the conflict.

The approach explicitly rejects secrecy. Adults involve support networks (family, friends, neighbours, professionals), breaking the isolation that violence thrives in. Supporters send messages acknowledging the young person's strengths while challenging harmful incidents.

Crucially, NVR is not behaviour management. It's about making peace in families and care settings by constructively challenging harmful behaviour without being controlled by it.

Why It Matters for Australian Professionals

With SEMH needs now the primary concern for 15.5% of children with EHC Plans and 22% with SEN Support Plans (UK data mirroring Australian trends), professionals need effective approaches. Traditional methods often leave families feeling more helpless, staff burnt out, and young people further entrenched in problematic patterns.

NVR addresses parental helplessness, reduces escalatory interactions, improves family relationships, and importantly achieves this while treating young people with respect and maintaining connection. Research consistently shows improvements in the therapeutic relationship alongside reduced problematic behaviours.

For foster carers managing complex trauma responses, teachers dealing with classroom aggression, and mental health workers supporting families in crisis, NVR provides concrete, implementable strategies that don't rely on compliance from the young person.

Learning NVR in Australia

Compass Seminars Australia now offers comprehensive training in NVR and Relational Presence through their three-day workshop "From Chaos to Connection". Led by registered psychologist Tamar Sloan, one of Australia's most highly qualified NVR practitioners and trainers, the workshop covers theoretical foundations alongside practical application through interactive activities, realistic case studies, and reflective discussions.

The training addresses neurodivergence, anxious avoidance, and child-to-carer aggression. Equipping mental health professionals and educators with evidence-based strategies to confidently address challenging behaviours while reducing conflict and escalation.

For Australian professionals frustrated with approaches that don't work or actively make things worse, NVR offers a proven alternative grounded in decades of research. It's time to move from chaos to connection.